Things that shouldn't bother me

Today:

He blocked me. Or deleted his accounts, or something.

This shouldn't bother me. I messed it up, wanted too much, should have just stuck with him as a friend and then I hurt him badly. But...it bothers me.

This really, really shouldn't bother me! It's not like I want any sort of romantic relationship. And a friendship is probably impossible. Our conversations were strained at best, me trying to make him jealous to see if he still cared - for some reason I don't understand - and him...well...

He kinda stopped being the guy who was my best friend shortly after everything blew up in our faces. Or at least, he stopped being that guy around me.

It shouldn't bother me, it really shouldn't. His life is his life, mine is mine. When I got married he severed the relationship for good with that letter...and I agreed. I felt happy at the time, he'd be moving on and doing better and whatnot and I wouldn't have the guilt of totally ruining someone's life on my conscience.

But he was still my best friend for a long time. And the time we spent together in person just being best friends was the best part of being in that weird little town with his family who was quite frankly...we'll just be nice and call them weird.

We should have just stayed friends, realized when I moved in that it wasn't working the way we thought it would and immediately reverted to just staying friends.

Not that I can honestly say I regret anything. I think. I mean, after all, every decision - and it does seem like *EVERY* decision - for the past five years has come together to bring me here, to my awesome husband and my getting better every day life.

It shouldn't bother me. It really shouldn't. Not being able to reach out, to breach that closed door, to just say hi to...well I guess he's not my best friend anymore. It shouldn't bother me. Not having his attention shouldn't bother me. I think that maybe he's finally forgotten about me and that really shouldn't bother me.

But it does.

Damn the emotions I don't understand.

Edit:

Well, looks like his facebook is still up..and it looks like he's fully moved on and forgotten.

Why in the world does this bother me?

So, uh, now I feel stupid. He didn't block me or anything, I just had the wrong info.
Still, looking at his fb, it looks like he's moved on.
I have no idea why this matters to me.